


Deep Secrets In Your Eyes

by Syncrono



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Break Up, Broken Promises, Cheating, Doubt, Emotional, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Feelings, Feels, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm angsty af, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Lies, Mild Smut, My First Smut, POV Female Character, POV First Person, Reader-Insert, Relationship Break Up, Relationship Issues, Relationship Problems, Secret Relationship, Secrets, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Insert, angsty angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-13 14:21:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28529856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Syncrono/pseuds/Syncrono
Summary: Maybe I wasn't enough.Maybe I wasn't what he wanted.Maybe he had never gave me his heart.Maybe I was foolish.Maybe.I thought that I knew him better that anyone else.Was it all my imagination?
Relationships: Diavolo/Lucifer (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Lucifer (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Reader, Lucifer/Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 39





	1. 1. A Strange Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The start of the predictable end.

I thought.. I thought that everything was fine between us...  
I thought that I was _enough._  
I thought that It was enough for _him_ and _me._

... 

Maybe I wasn't enough.  
Maybe I wasn't what he wanted.  
Maybe he had **~~never~~** gave me his heart.  
Maybe I was foolish.  
 ~~ **Maybe**~~.  
I thought that I knew him better that anyone else.  
Was it all _my_ imagination?

. 

. 

. 

7 months ago I had found myself in the Devildom completely confused by pure mistake, there was already two human students chosen, a sorcerer called Solomon if I'm right and a girl called MC, and the administration had made a big mistake by confirming my coming here..and well, I couldn't be sent back to the human realm because something was blocking me from going back, like an invisible force.

So the Lord, Diavolo is his name, had decided that I would stay until they would find the why I couldn't go back and so I was the third human student to assist the school here.

It was really hard for me the first months, no one was really interested in being friend with me, the demons here were looking at me like I was a piece of meat waiting to be devoured and the demon bothers were all over the other girl, who was a bit overwhelmed by all the attention which I could understand, but she seemed to be a nice and strong girl and slowly I found myself being closer and closer to her and being friends with her, it was comforting to be friend with at least someone in the Devildom when humans were seen as weak and useless..! Haha..! Hm.. 

___________________________________________

Since the other girl in the house was busy with on one hand the brothers and on the other her studies and school and problems, I was by myself most of time so I would study a bit more in a classroom that was empty and there I met the famous Solomon, who had came back because he had forgotten something in the class (which I think was more an excuse) and I found myself talking with him easily, he didn't seemed dangerous like I heard the brothers tell the other student girl but I had brushed off that thought and after maybe 20 minutes of talking he had given his contact so we could discuss further through messages and I was more than happy to give mine back because why not? He seemed very charming in his own way. 


	2. 2. When I Met Your Eyes

After a bit more than 3 weeks I had finally became real good friends with Solomon and the two angels Simeon and Luke who were so kind and welcoming toward me, I was beaming with happiness when I was finally with people that I could call friends and having fun with them other than staying alone in my room in the The House of Lamentation, which I was assigned too even though I think I could've easily been put with Solomon and the angels but after I had talked with them Solomon had said that I could maybe ask to be put with them so I wouldn't be alone. 

I thought that it was a great idea!

So the next morning I had asked if I could maybe talk a bit with the Lord Diavolo, if it was possible to just rob him of 5 mins of his time and Barbatos, who I had encountered by luck when his was on his way to get some tea leaves for Diavolo, had said that he was going to ask and I had flashed him a smile and said thank you and went to my classes, trying to concentrate and understand the lessons even though everytime I was on the verge of screaming because there was so much information thrown to my face, I had to learn everything from the very start on my own and study whatever the professors were giving me in classes but I was managing it, little bit by little bit and Simeon, Luke, Solomon and the girl were helping me to adjust. 

__________________________________________

At the end of my classes, and after I had spent some times with the boys I had returned to my room, my shirts and clean underwear were on my bed because I was too lazy to put them at their places and my jackets were piled up on my chair where I had put my backpack with all my books and my D.D.D. 

Just as i had put my hair in a low ponytail, wanting to trade my uniform to something more comfortable I had heard a knock on my door and after I asked who it was, turned out it was Barbatos who had came to tell me that Diavolo had accepted my request and it was for right now so after I had taken my D.D.D with me I went with him through multiple corridors and finally i was in front of Diavolo himself as I heard Barbatos close the door behind me. 

I hadn't noticed at first at that time that there was someone else too because I was so anxious to be in front of the The future Demon King himself, I couldn't maintain an eye contact with him for more than 2 minutes which was really embarrassing. 

After greeting me Diavolo had asked me what is it that I wanted and I had to gather a lot of courage to maintain a strong voice and to talk without a shutter, asking him if it could be possible to change from The House of Lamentation to the Purgatory Hall with the angels and Solomon, which made Diavolo laugh a bit and told me to not be so stiff and that it wouldn't be a problem and so I was confirmed that I could change and go to the Purgatory Hall which made me smile and Diavolo too in return seeing me smile. 

I was going to thank him until I heard a voice, one that I hadn't really heard and as I turned my head I saw two red piercing eyes that were looking at me all this time while I was trying not to stress.

I hadn't noticed him, Lucifer, The Avatar of Pride, the Fallen Angel, and like that, that moment, it felt like my heart and my mind had stopped, time had slowed, I had found myself lost in his eyes and I couldn't stop looking as I was feeling like I was falling in them the more I was looking, they were so black like an infernal black abyss but at the end there was this pure and radiant red color, so rich and so strong.. 

Him too, he wasn't saying anything, like he had forgotten what he wanted to say when I had met his eyes but when Diavolo had asked him to continue what he was saying he had coughed as he had looked away from my eyes and proceeded to tell what he had to say like nothing happened and I had realized what I had done and turned into a blushing mess and thanked Diavolo while I quickly ran away, to my room!


	3. 3. This Feeling Made Of Dust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⚠️ There's a part of this chapter that will contain a bit of sexual part, if you don't like it or don't feel at ease reading things like that please feel free to skip after the part where there are asterisk.

I sat there, on my bed, just wearing an old shirt, all alone, thinking again and again about the past, the memories and his face flashing before my face in _circles_.. 

. 

. 

. 

After that weird encounter, Lucifer had entered in my life slowly but surely.

Under that stone like face and cold words I could see the sweetness behind them, his behavior and the way he was approaching me at the house, when he was protecting me from lesser demons at school and well whenever he saw me I was flustered by his actions and I think that he knew it.

He did invite me from time to time to his room to have a little discuss while drinking tea and obviously, in front of me was none other than Lucifer and well everyone and me included was in awe in front of him because of his beauty and I was charmed little by little by his personality and every little detail that his was giving about his feelings or about his affection toward his family or his problems, whenever I was alone with him, had made me feel more closer to him, I felt like I was really intimate with him after 2 of 3 months of talking.

I even felt so comfortable that I would crack jokes with him and he did laugh sometimes which made me blush but with the lighting of the fire which gave us and the room a warm look, as if there was a sunset even though it was always night in the Devildom, he couldn't really see it I think..

.

.

.

I was always so interested in what he was speaking of, it was a delight to be in his presence and I thought that maybe for him too, even if I felt more comfortable and close to him there was still a part of me that was anxious to say something that would offend him and after how much he had told me and how much he had opened to me and me too in return, I was now addicted to him and was afraid to lose all of this, these moments with him, those sharp eyes boring into my own and soul. 

One evening, he had invited me again into his room, telling me that he had something to ask me, I had asked him what he wanted as I followed him and as I entered this place that it his room and heard the lock behind me, I felt this chill going all through my body and seconds later Lucifer was in front of me, my face was really close to his torso and as I had looked up, his eyes were filled with something that I couldn't describe at that moment, I was confused and overwhelmed by this sudden proximity. Minutes felt like hours. Time had slowed, again like our first encounter. And slowly he was caressing the side of my face with the back of his right hand while his second hand was on my back, keeping me from backing up. He was mesmerizing, the red glint in his eyes shining, his thin lips slightly opened and the intent clear now to me as i was now blushing so badly from my cheeks to my ears and that had made him chuckle lightly and which didn't help my flustered self. 

But then, while he was still caressing my, now red cheeks, he had asked me with a soft voice, almost like a whisper, if he could kiss me as he had shifted his eyes to my lips and his thumb had found its way on my lower lip, touching it so delicately and the only thing at that moment that I could do was to nod faintly.. 

I would never forget, _**never**_..

*

At first, it was slow, soft, passionate, full of affection but as we deepened the kiss it had transformed into this full on hungry and messy kiss, we had unleashed our heat, the attraction and the envy that we had for each other from the start, it felt like I was burning from the inside as I was moaning in the kiss as my hands had found their way on his broad shoulders and his were on my hips, bitting on my lower lips and closing the gap between our bodies and grinding his crotch against mine making me moan in sweet pleasure faintly as we had separated from each other's lips with only a string of saliva connecting our flushed lips, a quick glance from him to me, a sultry laced look and a smirk dancing on his face and it was my turn to kiss him with desire, tongues intertwining as his left hand had found its way underneath the large shirt that I was wearing, caressing my belly and slowly going up as the night went on.. 

It was **lust** in its rawest form. 

*

. 

.

.

After that night and what went down between us after the heated kiss, we had a long talk about what happened and what we wanted for the both of us, he had explicitly told me that he was ready to be in a relationship with me and I was the happiest I could ever be, who wouldn't right? I mean, we are talking about Lucifer, the strongest of the seven brothers, the avatar of Pride, the magnificent fallen angel, and I had fallen too, for him, and hard..

But he had asked me if I was ready to be alone some nights because of his work, that he had the duty of being the right hand of Diavolo and that whenever he needed him he had to go immediately and I had agreed with a bit of anxiousness but I felt ready as It seemed totally fair and understandable in my mind, his work and his role as the right hand of the future King of the Devildom was important and I didn't wanted to lose what was between us. 

____________________________________________

I was in joy and I think now, with a clear mind and heart, that it should have stayed like that, just ' _friends_ ' even though we knew our enticement toward each other. It shouldn't have happened.

_So it wouldn't have hurt when the obvious happened.._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I'm sorry if I don't post often, sometimes it just comes to me like that and I write it so yea haha.. ^^'


	4. 4. You Are Missing.

After we had established our relationship, one evening, when everyone was sitting at the table, eating, talking to each others and laughing, Lucifer had coughed which had made everyone go quiet.

He had put his fork and knife down on the table and now was standing up, looking over everyone and his gaze had stopped at me and all the brothers and the other girl exchange student were now looking at me, as if I had done something wrong, confusion on their face but their attention was quickly on the oldest brother again as he had started to speak, telling them that we were in a relationship him and I, that it was official and that was it. Every brother was shocked to say the least, they were shouting and asking him if it was true or not, when it had happened and how, all kind of questions and when Lucifer didn't really answered the way they wanted they had turned toward me, bombarding me with the same questions, making me, flustered and sweaty palms, clenching on my thighs, answering them with little details as possible because I knew how Lucifer was but the other girl had quickly put a stop to all of this, seeing how perturbed I was and how I was shaking from all the shouting, questions and attention that was put on my shoulders, making me feel uneasy. They had stopped but their gaze on me were burning like fire.

I knew that would happen, I knew it, but I wasn't prepared for all this fuss and attention on me, but you would say that it was obvious right? Being with Lucifer meant that I would always now be under the light with him, have all this attention on me, eaten from the inside by anxiety, blushing like crazy and sweating, my hair covering me a bit as I had my head slightly down.

After minutes of silence, I felt so awkward that I had got up and went quickly went to my room, locking behind me. Going under my blanket and burying my face in my pillow, groaning.

It was so _awkward_..

. 

. 

. 

Later that night, Lucifer had asked me to come by his room to be with him and I had spent the night in his bed, in his warm arms, breathing in his intoxicating scent with a faint sweet undertone to it. I felt protected, I felt safe as he was whispering sweet nothings in my ears and i had fallen asleep.

I had woke up but as it was still too early to prepare for my classes, but no one was beside me, only a note with written on it that he had something to do as Diavolo asked his presence, signed ' _Your Lucifer_ '.

I was disappointed but I had nothing to say, I had agreed to this, but still I couldn't shake this feeling in the **depth** of my heart..

. 

. 

. 

I had expected the worst but after we had announced that we were in a relationship, nothing had really changed in the House Of Lamentation, the brothers and me were on good terms but not really friends, the other girl and me were still friends but she was really curious about how all of this had happened without everybody noticing, Simeon, Luke and Solomon were curious too and a bit thorn about our relationship but supportive nonetheless.

The stress that was on me was completely gone after a few days. And like that, months went by so fast, I felt complet with Lucifer by my side, we had a few arguments over the months but nothing that had really affected our relationship, as we always ended them by talking about what was the real problem, our feelings and the best solution for them and I was greatful to have someone like him, understanding and taking it slowly for him and I.

It's true that he was missing a lot of time, because of his work, because of The future demon King, because of his brother's mess or just because of the school, which at first was alright with me, as I repeatedly said, I had agreed to that, his multiple absences, sleeping a lot of time alone in his large bed, staying by myself in my room, or just being with my friends, staying with the angels with or without Solomon as he had some things to do from time to time, they were great listeners, I had found myself crying more than once in the arms of Simeon as he had such a gentle way to comfort me and the pastries that Luke was making for those nights were a bliss, and talking with Solomon was a way for me to think about something else than my need to see and hold Lucifer against me in my arms..i _loved_ him so much.. 

~

Time was passing and he was more and more busy, more than at the start of our relationship when he was still making time for me, no, now I was waiting for him, siting at the table he had reserved but no sign of him since he had invited me one evening to eat in a very fancy restaurant, and I was more than happy when he had told me the news a few hours earlier.

It had been so long since we went out together the two of us, I had prepared myself from head to toe, no details had escaped my eyes, I wanted everything to be perfect. 

**1 hour had passed by** and still, I was hoping for him to come, I was so embarrassed to be siting here all by myself when all around me were a lot of couples, laughing and smiling fondly to one and each other. 

**2 hours had passed by** and no answer from his D.D.D, I was worried sick for him but I didn't wanted to send too many messages. As I was looking all around me, a waiter had came by to ask me if I wanted something, thinking in circles I had decided that I wanted a drink with alcohol, and I went form 1 drink to 3 to finish with my 5th drink, a bit tipsy but I was still conscious of my behavior. 

**3 hours had passed** **by** and I was outside the restaurant and slowly walking back home, minding my steps. I was destroyed by his absence.

When I was finally at the House, Mammon, Satan and Asmodeus were with the other student, cuddling while watching a movie but their eyes were on me now as i suddenly appeared, stumbling and trying to let the tears roll, from my eyes where I had applied mascara and a little bit more eyeliner, on to my cheeks, where my foundation, blush and highlighter were carefully applied.

I didn't like to on make up that much but I had done all of this just to impress him.

And he didn't even show up. 

The 3 demon bothers and the student didn't ask me what happened, staying silent as I was greatful or else I was going to break and cry right there.

Pitifully. 

. 

. 

. 

As I was taking off my make up and my outfit that I had picked thinking that it would please him, a message had been sent to me, from none other than Lucifer himself, telling me he hadn't charged his D.D.D and that he couldn't inform me that he had an emergency to take care of and so that was why he didn't showed up. I had replied coldly that it was alright, I was at home and ready to sleep and so with that he had just told I supposed that he wouldn't be here tonight too, which he had replied with a sorry and that he would make up for it. He didn't even saw that I was cold with him, normally he would understand quickly that something was wrong. 

And I wasn't expecting anything from him.

As I slipped under the blanked of his giant bed I started to think and wonder. 

He was busier and busier.

I didn't even get to see him for a whole day. 

~~Stop being **needy** , it's **immature**. ~~

Was he really mine?

~~Stop being **selfish**. ~~

His duties were important for the Devildom.

And somewhere in my heart, something had came up to the surface of these thoughts.

_He was Diavolo's too._


	5. 5. Clear View.

I was now sure. 

Sure of what I was seeing. 

Sure of what was happening in front of my very eyes. 

In the study room of Diavolo. 

_~~I wanted to drop and **cry** right there. ~~ _

My feelings.. What was I feeling at that moment? I don't remember, I don't know.

That sight.. That damned sight. 

My feet wouldn't move, my eyes glued on the screen unraveling in front of me through the slightly opened door, watching Diavolo as he was softly kissing Lucifer like he was made of crystal which could broke at the slightest pressure. 

I felt like I was not allowed to see that even though I was with Lucifer.

 ** _They seemed so impur but so delicate_**..

They couldn't see me because I was hidden behind the door which was slightly opened and I happened to find myself here, fortunately or well unfortunately, because I was trying to find Lucifer after what happened yesterday night.

In the morning I had quickly taken a shower and dressed myself, skipping breakfast and running in the halls as I wanted to talk to Luci', I wanted to clearify this issue between us, I wanted to tell him that I was missing him, that I wanted to be with him a bit more, I wanted to go out with him, I wanted to hug him, kiss him, feeling him in my arms, cuddle against his warm body, to smell his cologne in the morning and his hair at night in the bed when his in my arms, sleeping and be able to wake up and see his relaxed face.

But after seeing that sight, I felt like _cold_.

Really cold. 

That fire inside was so suddenly _gone_ , my feelings and desire toward him were _frozen_ _and gone_.

And my cheeks were now _so_ red from this strange bundle of swirling disgusting feelings inside of me. 

I had ran so fast after that, some demons were looking at me going with a confused face and whispering some things and judging the human who was acting weirdly and I couldn't blame them, Mammon who was not in class as he was skipping was surprised as I had passed by him, looking at the ground with my hair covering my embarrassed face but before he could say a single I had disappeared. 

Without anyone stopping me I had finally found my way to my bedroom, which was dusty I had not really came up here that much because I felt more comfortable in Lucifer's bedroom but now.. It wasn't possible anymore. My body and mind **wouldn't** **allow** me to step into that bedroom.

So I was here, sitting on my bed, staring at the ground but my heart lost somewhere and my mind putting on rewind that same scene until I figured out these feelings. It was disgust, rage, sadness, bretayal, disappointment..everything was mixed up. 

And then.. 

One tear after another. 

I had found myself crying silently, my hands covering my face as I was eaten slowly by this unbearable feeling of being _abandoned_ as I realized that ~~_I was the one in the way_~~.

I never thought that Lucifer and Diavolo had this kind of relationship, I always saw them as friends and partners as Lucifer was under a pact and didn't showed those kind of behavior toward Diavolo..but that didn't mean anything as now I had _saw_ the truth. 

Like our relationship, or whatever we had because I don't know for how long they were in that kind of relationship, it meant **nothing**. 

' ** _It meant nothing from the start_** ' I kept repeating in my head as a _cold_ and _empty_ blow was invading my heart.

.

.

.

As I was crying and blaming myself for every reason of being with him, my vision suddenly blurred because I had eaten nothing and being in that state was making me weaker and I had to lay down. My vision was blury because of the tears that couldn't stop rolling helplessly on my red cheeks and my quivering lower lips but also from my state as my tension was weak and as I was trying to calm down I had fallen asleep, helping me stop crying and forget about my broken heart..

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so I'm back!  
> I love angst so imma serve myself and you if you're here for that lmao  
> Sorry for the mistakes, English is not my native language.
> 
> No beta reader!


End file.
